


wake up, i have been waiting for you

by potstickermaster



Category: She's the Man (2006)
Genre: F/F, and the chance to do it all over again, of high school first loves, should've beens and regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:21:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potstickermaster/pseuds/potstickermaster
Summary: Most of all, when Olivia thinks of high school, she remembers the great Illyria scandal and the girl who made her question everything.
Relationships: Viola Hastings/Olivia Lennox
Comments: 19
Kudos: 307





	wake up, i have been waiting for you

**Author's Note:**

> hahahaha i’m fine
> 
> unbetaed unread all mistakes mine please come shoot me in the head

_i think i'm ready_ _  
_ _i'm ready to freefall into_ _  
_ _into the unknown_   
if you wanna be with me

 _let go,_ dave lichens

+

When people think of high school, they probably think of the great friends they made, the teenage hormones and drama, probably prom, and of first loves and heartbreaks. 

Olivia thinks of those too, of course. She remembers bio class, the nights spent in the dorms, the highs and lows of being the so-called most popular girl in school—a title she hated, because people only saw her as the blonde almost-cheerleader whom the jocks wanted to hook up with—and often cringes at a lot of memories she’d rather not think about.

Most of all, when Olivia thinks of high school, she remembers the great Illyria scandal and the girl who made her question everything. 

+

Her flight home is delayed. Which Olivia doesn’t really mind, but she could use a comfortable seat right now. The three-day biology and biotechnology conference she attended just ended several hours ago, and after a grueling check-out experience at the hotel she was staying at and an almost-accident with her taxi, Olivia just wanted to sleep. She sags into one of the uncomfortable airport seats and checks her flight details.

Four hours. It isn’t that bad. She can just nap in her chair. Long nights at the lab has prepared her for this.

+

When Olivia sees her, she thinks she’s dreaming. When she blinks away sleep and focuses on the woman with the group in matching track jackets, Olivia thinks that maybe, she sees an altogether different person. 

But she can’t possibly be wrong about that smile, right? It can’t just be _coincidence_ that the woman is rolling a damn soccer ball between her hands. 

“Viola?” Olivia says before she could even think about it, and she slams her mouth shut because, well—

It’s been _years._

+

Viola has changed a lot. Not that Olivia has a lot to compare it with—after her break-up with Sebastian, it wasn’t surprising that they fell apart. It was mostly because Sebastian took it harder than Olivia expected, and twins are twins and blood is thicker than water and all that. 

In hindsight, Olivia knew it was because she wanted Viola, not her brother. It was complicated, and _weird,_ but it kicked off a lot of questions that Olivia didn’t really face head-on until she was two years into college. 

Even then, she hesitated. She’s a _lady,_ her mother said—and she’d make a wonderful wife to a dazzling young businessman or _oh, darling, a doctor or a lawyer, and you’ll have three gorgeous children and—_

Well, understandably, her mother was _not_ pleased when she came out, eyes red-rimmed and words barely audible. It took seven months, two weeks, and three days before her mother spoke to her again, and it was only to say _you’re not my daughter._

Olivia still has nightmares about it, still hopes that one day her mother would call, but in the darkness of all that is the light through the cracks. She clawed her way out until she found acceptance and air to breathe again, and pride has never looked so good on her skin. 

Viola looks so much more comfortable in hers, now. It’s obvious with the way she carries herself, laughs with what Olivia assumes is her team with her heart on her sleeve. Her pixie cut hair is slicked back, hints of blonde and pink on it. So much different from her long brown hair then, or that _wig_ Olivia still finds amusing after all this time. She’s much more sun-kissed now, a bit taller somewhat. When she pauses and turns from her companions to look at the source of the voice, Olivia realizes one thing—that despite all that seems to have changed with Viola, she still has the same ability from years ago.

To take Olivia’s breath away. 

“Olivia Lennox,” Viola greets, recognition and a smile lighting up her face that throws Olivia almost ten years back. “Did I finally hit my head too hard?” 

+

Sebastian Hastings was… _Something._ Viola as Sebastian was cute and wasn’t as tall as Olivia wanted in a guy, but that Sebastian was lovely and understanding and, despite _that_ incident, honest. 

_Sebastian_ was fine. He’s taller than Viola, broad-shouldered, played music that soothed Olivia’s mind, but her heart didn’t race in his presence the way it did when she was with Viola-as-Sebastian and—

Well, it was a fucking disaster.

It was in second year college, with seven shots of tequila in her system and a girl she just met in the party, that it all clicks for Olivia. 

Ellie was only slightly taller than her. The way she smiled reminded her of Viola—at least, in the back, back, _back_ of her head, because she hadn’t thought of Viola in so long save for the occasional thought when she saw a soccer game on TV.

Ellie was soft and warm and lovely, and she listened with the fondest smile as Olivia talked of the proof of evolution in human bodies and lactose fermentation while they sat on the bathroom floor, backs against the door despite the consistent knocking.

“You remind me of someone,” Olivia said, turning to Ellie with a drunken little smile. 

Ellie chuckled. “Someone nice, I hope.”

Olivia wanted to say something like, _she was more than nice,_ or maybe along the lines of _she’s a train that’s long left the station,_ or _her name is Viola,_ but all she did was close the distance between their lips. 

Ellie kissed her back, for a moment, before pulling away and pressing their foreheads together. 

“You’re not thinking straight,” Ellie whispered, before laughing at the double-meaning in her words.

Olivia laughed too, felt a burden she didn’t know she was carrying lift from her shoulders, and for the first time in years felt like she was beginning to understand herself.

+

God. It really is _her._

Olivia is standing before she can really think about it. Viola looks behind her team for a second before jogging towards Olivia. The blonde fully expected her to stop, smile politely, maybe shake her hand. 

She didn’t expect a full sweeping hug that knocks the rest of the air out of her lungs. Viola laughs softly against her ear and squeezes Olivia, like a hello.

“God, it really is you,” Viola whispers.

Olivia laughs, but it sounds tearful more than anything because the last time Viola echoed something to her was _years_ ago, in the bio lab, just after _Sebastian_ told her _trust me, you’re not my type._

“It’s so good to see you, Viola,” Olivia says.

It takes them a moment to pull apart. Viola’s warmth lingers on her cheek.

“Vi,” the brunette corrects with a small smile. “I- I feel more comfortable with Vi, now.” 

+

 _Vi_ excuses herself from her team and promises to keep up with them. Olivia blushes just the slightest bit—she didn’t mean to take Vi away from her companions, and when she voices it out, Vi shrugs.

“I’ll see them on the plane. I haven’t seen you in years!” Vi grins. “What time is your flight?” 

“Oh. It’s actually bumped off,” Olivia explains. “I have like, more than three hours to burn.”

“That’s great. I mean, not great that your flight got cancelled, but that we got to see each other.” Vi scratches the back of her neck and laughs. “Sorry. It’s just- it’s a really nice surprise to see you.” 

“It is great to see you, too,” Olivia says, and if Vi notices the breathless way she says it, she doesn’t say anything. “What time’s your flight? Did you come from a game?” 

Vi smiles and gestures behind her towards her team. “Training camp, yeah, I- Listen,” Vi sighs and shoves her hands into her jacket pockets. The way she fidgets makes Olivia remember the first time they met, books crashing and Vi-as-Sebastian excusing herself to _do some… guy… stuff_. “Our flight’s not in two more hours and maybe you’d- would you like to—”

“Hey,” Olivia grins, and she has to stop herself from putting her hand on Vi’s like they were in high school. “I’d love to catch up over coffee, if that’s fine with you?” 

Vi smiles like she’s scored a goal. “That would be great. Tell me all I’ve missed about you,” she says.

All Olivia can really think to say is _you. I’ve missed you._

+

Olivia always thought heartbreak was inevitable, one way or another. Ellie looked at her like she gave constellations their names but Olivia could only see the light of dead stars, long gone, but still shining in the night sky.

“You can’t forget her,” Ellie said, tears in her eyes. Olivia can’t really contradict what she said. “She doesn’t even know you anymore.” 

She was probably right about that.

“She’s not here,” Ellie said. “I am. What does she have that I don’t?” 

Olivia couldn’t say it then. She still couldn’t say it, years after she found her way out of the closet, but it sat in her mind, a seed that planted itself there and bloomed despite the lack of sun.

_A part of my heart._

+

They get iced lattes and find an empty table looking out the tarmac. Vi sits across her, _staring_ at her, never losing that smile on her lips like she’s disbelieving what she is seeing and honestly, Olivia feels the same. 

“What?” Olivia laughs, suddenly feeling conscious. 

“Nothing,” Vi says, her voice soft. “I just never thought I’d see you again. In an airport of all places. So.” Vi grins and drums her fingers on the table. “Tell me all about you!” 

Olivia doesn’t know where to begin, so she starts with the most recent: That she came from a biology conference in the city and that she’s on her way back home. Vi asks what she does and conversation flows from there—how Olivia became a biochemist and what team Vi plays for, what position, and some basics of soccer because Olivia never quite really cared before. They talk of the almost ten years between them, compressed in the limited minutes the universe has granted like some mercy served to a dying god.

And yet, each second is a step closer, the bridge burnt between them built back by words and fond gazes and laughter like they’re two friends picking back up from a conversation over the weekend. 

It’s always been this easy with Viola—with _Vi._ It’s ease Olivia gets back into with steps like a dance, meeting Vi halfway, arms around her neck, laughter on her cheeks, promises in her ear.

“It’s really great to see you, Olivia,” Vi says again, and she says it in a serious, tender voice that makes Olivia’s chest ache with the loss of a half of it. “After graduation I thought—”

Vi takes a deep breath, like she doesn’t want to say what she wants to say. Like it hurts her to think it. “I thought I’d never see you again.” 

Olivia doesn’t resist this time—she reaches out for Vi’s hand across the table, just like the very first time she did in the lab, after Viola told her an honest truth. 

“I’m happy to see you, too, Vi,” she whispers, but sounded so loud she felt it in her own bones. 

+

There’s the thing that goes _first love never dies_ or some other dumb thing that made Olivia want to roll her eyes. Not that she thought it was wrong, just that she didn’t really know if she was ever in love with Viola or if it was the realization that she _could have_ been in love with her, back in high school, if she had known better. 

When she returned to Illyria on a whim, she stared at the soccer field until the sun had set, picturing over and over what would have happened if she ran to _Viola_ and kissed _her_ instead.

It was almost dark when Coach Dinklage found Olivia at the stands, staring at nothing.

“I remember you,” he said in that thick British accent. “Hastings’ girl.” 

Olivia had laughed. “Used to be.” 

Coach Dinklage had smiled, then, like he knew something she didn’t. It’s an odd sight, considering Olivia remembered him as the strict coach who talked about greatness and bled football. 

“Sometimes, you get to find yourself where you started,” he said. “I told Viola that before. The good thing about beginning again is you know better. You know there are sacrifices worth making.”

Viola had once joked Coach Dinklage had an unconscious but innate skill to inspire. It helped a lot that he always seemed angry, too, because it made the boys’ soccer team listen. Viola thought he was a great leader. A bit of an ass sometimes, but he knew when to push. 

Olivia didn’t know what he was inspiring or pushing her for, but his words stayed with her anyway.

+

“You know,” Vi says after a long stretch of silence. Their coffees are finished, the ice has melted, and boarding for Vi’s flight is being announced overhead. She isn’t looking at Olivia, just at the empty cup of coffee in her hand. Her smile is wistful. “I’ve always wondered what would have happened if I reached out to you when I left for college. Or any time after that.” 

Olivia chuckles at that. “I know it’s weird, with me and Sebastian back then.”

A part of Olivia blames herself for that too—that she let the bridge between them burn all because of an odd turn of events. 

Was it ever too late to start again?

“No, I know that, but I wanted to,” Vi shrugs and finally meets Olivia’s gaze. She thinks it’s regret she sees in Vi’s eyes. “You never really loved him, did you?”

It’s a can of worms prying open, glass of secrets shattering between them. It couldn’t be the coffee. What then? The awful regret of what if’s and could’ve beens, perhaps? 

“I mean. I thought I was,” Olivia laughs. Her heart races. This is a box of feelings she hasn’t opened in so long, a book left forgotten for years that dusting off the pages feels like cracking open the remains of her heart. “It took me years to finally figure it out. Even longer to accept it.” 

If she cries a little, Olivia tells herself it’s fine—it’s been so long, _so long,_ and Viola’s ghost has haunted her for years in a voice that says _you’re actually the only one I feel comfortable around_ and a lost echo of _I feel the same way._ Vi is flesh and bone in front of her now. 

“And?” Vi says, looking at her with the same hope in her eyes that she held when Coach Dinklage stared at her with her future and her entire career in his hands. She looks at Olivia with years of longing and the memory of a good thing and Olivia does what she should have done years ago, nerves thrumming with the victory of her school brought by the girl who picked up her foolish heart the first time they met, crashing into each other.

_There are mistakes you’d rather not do again. Know better._

She kisses Vi, and finds herself all over again. 

The announcement overhead calls for Vi’s flight again. Vi pulls away with a groan and Olivia just smiles, breathless. Maybe this is what it could’ve been, if she had run to Viola years ago, after the game, but she can’t take that back now.

She presses her forehead against Vi’s, holds on to the lapels of her track jacket like she’s holding on to all hope. 

“I'll see you in your next game?”

"Yeah," Vi laughs, tears in her eyes. "No nudity this time, I promise." 


End file.
